Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I walked into daycare yesterday after work to find Ryder totally conked out... in his bouncer.

Seriously, how could I have NOT taken a picture?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Listening and waiting. Life lesson in progress...

Can I just take a moment here, a little time to rest? In all honesty, I wish it were that easy. My brain has been swirling with activity for the past week now. My brain and my heart. Without disclosing details (are you loving my total and complete vagueness yet?), Steve and I have potentially HUGE decisions to make. These are life-changing decisions too. Nothing for the faint of heart. Its only been a week since we were confronted with these decisions, but it feels like we've been dealing with them forever. I feel mentally drained, analyzing every detail of this whole mess.

Ever since first being confronted with this, Steve and I have been praying. I know I've been praying almost non-stop. Every time I think about this, I start praying. We are waiting for God's guidance, for His direction. We are willing to do what God wants us to do, no matter how scared we may be. This issue has been on my heart and in my prayers so much in the last week. There have been times where I have become so overwhelmed with the prospect of all of this that it has literally made me feel sick to my stomach. It could potentially affect so many areas of our life that I start trying to think up every possible solution to every possible problem that could arise, which I think is partly what contributes to my overwhelmed feelings.

But right now, we're trusting GOD. We have faith and know that He will not lead us astray. He will provide for us every need we have. He will give us the answer that we so desperately wait for, and not only will He give us the answer we need, He will grant us PEACE with our decision. Right now, its all about leaning on God and waiting patiently for our answer. We know that God will not lead us down the wrong path. If its in His will for us to do this, then we know that He will make sure it all falls into place. Every single last detail, all the way down to solutions to possible problems that could arise with this endeavor.

We are waiting for HIM.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Learning to accept the duck.

We've all heard one time or another... "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it must be a duck." Without going into too much detail, I'll just say this: While that duck has been there and I have been fighting it for many, many years, I'm just now starting to accept the duck. I could probably go into much deeper detail without incident, but I won't because it'll surely get me in trouble. Maybe one day down the road I'll be able to further divulge.

Anyway, like I said, this particular situation has been an issue for many years, I would say since early high school when I first really (I mean, really) became aware of it. I've fought it, tooth and nail, resisted it, done what I could to change minds, change opinions, change situations, and yet I'm just now coming to the realization that it was all done in vain. I don't think things have changed, and I'm pretty sure that opinions and mindsets are now firmly rooted, nevermind the fact that I have done nothing to my knowledge to deserve this, other than simply existing. This issue has especially been staring me straight in the face for the last few months, but I've chosen to look around it and ignore it. In recent weeks, I've caught myself saying in certain situations, "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...". I've been in denial, just flat-out refusing to see this for what it really is, for so long. And now common sense is starting to kick in. I'm starting to see the light, and starting to accept that gut feelings are typically pretty on-target. So, in essence, I'm finally starting to accept the duck.

Its not an easy thing to accept. I have been taken on an emotional roller coaster many times over the years due to this. And ironically enough, as I start to accept the duck, I find its taking me on another emotional roller coaster all on its own. Yet, I feel like this is part of the process. I'm essentially grieving a loss. I'm past the denial part (that's been going on for the past 10 years). Right now, I go in between feeling angry and sad. I'm angry that I'm being treated in this manner, that minds cannot be changed, that situations are the way they are. And I'm sad and very hurt. I'm hurt because I know I don't deserve this, and I'm sad because by accepting things as they truthfully are, I will end up losing a relationship, one that I've tried so desperately to cling onto with every fiber of my being. I'm giving up on this fight.

I'm giving up on this fight, but I know God isn't going to give up. He is the Ultimate Changer of Hearts. He can change the most staunch, grumpy, ill-hearted person into one who loves, cares, and forgives. I truly believe that with all my heart. Right now, as I come to accept many things, I'm leaning on God to bring me through it all in one piece. I know that He will guide me, He will comfort my hurting heart, and He will grant me peace within. This is the time where I need to HAVE TO trust in Him and focus on the eternal, rather than the present world. God has something so much greater for me than what's here on this side of Heaven, as well as for any and all of us who accept Him. And none of us will ever be able to comprehend the magnitude of Heaven until we reach it. For the rest of my earthly life, I'm committed to still praying for this situation. I'm letting go of the possibility of me changing things, and accepting that only GOD can change them, if its His will. I just have to surrender this burden up to Him and let Him do the rest. Surrendering means that I have to LET IT GO. I have to live my life without letting this issue become a burden on my heart anymore, like it has for so many years.

I'm so glad and thankful that I have a God who wants to take my burdens and bear my yoke. He doesn't want me to worry about something that I obviously cannot change. There are so many bits of scripture that address worry in the Bible. I'll close with these:

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Luke 12:25-26

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:24

Friday, October 15, 2010

Some pre-race inspiration...

My dear hubs forwarded his K-Love Encouraging Word of the Day email to me with today's scripture. Its especially fitting today, since I will be running the 15th Annual Indianapolis Half Marathon tomorrow.

"...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." ~Hebrews 12:1

Friday, October 8, 2010

Thankful Thursday... the Friday edition.

Can I just say that God is so good?? There have been things happening with work lately, details that I won't go into, but its been semi-stressful. Maybe not stressful, but has produced its fair share of anxiety from time to time. This whole time, I've been completely relying on God to do His work. I have been praying for God to grant me His favor, and today, that favor revealed itself! Prayers were answered and everything worked out exactly to what I needed and hoped for. Today I felt a burden lift off my shoulders. And I am SO thankful for that!

I have also been blessed in other areas of my life. For the past few months, I've been training for a half-marathon, which is coming up on October 16th. 8 days away. I must say, I am pretty excited for this race. I think I'm going to do really well, considering I've always thought of myself as a slow runner. As the weeks have gone by, I've noticed my pace improving (read: getting faster), and my fitness level improving. I'm running miles at paces that I never thought I would do. And the best part of all of this is that I've managed to stay injury-free, and SAFE. Over the past few weeks, I've been doing my training runs in the morning, before the sun even thinks about getting up. I'm up at 4:30am, and my workout either consists of a 4-5 mile run, or a 20-30 min workout DVD (usually Jillian Michaels) and a 2-3 mile run. Every morning before I leave for my run, while its still dark, I say a prayer. I ask that God will watch over me, keep me safe from injury and safe from any other harm. Because, let's face it, it can be a little nerve-wracking to run in the dark, before the rest of the world has woken up. It can be quite easy for the wrong person to be lurking around, waiting for a good opportunity to act. But I always run on the streets in the neighborhood that provide the best lighting, although I'm not naive enough to think that I'm 100% safe.

God has been protecting and providing for my family in so many ways, I can't even count. I know that for as many visible blessings and provisions He's given us, there are just as many blessings and provisions that He's given us that are invisible. I love that He loves a broken sinner, like me. He wants the best for us, and if we're willing to trust and rely on Him, HE will make sure it all works out according to His will. And through that trust, and God proving Himself faithful, we will be able to (and we should) glorify Him!!

How have you been relying on God? How has He been proving Himself faithful to you?

Friday, October 1, 2010

I need a Savior

A bad day to cap off a long week just doesn't make for a great attitude. These days where I know I need an attitude adjustment, there's a particular song that always pops into my head, no matter if I've heard it recently or not. It just seems to be a very fitting song for bad days. Its really a wonderful song...

I'd Need a Savior - Among the Thirsty
How many names
Can I use to explain
The love of my Jesus
The life that He gave
And so many times
Will I praise You today
I lift up my life
Cause You're always the same
And my offering
To you I bring
Your name is Jesus
Your name is Jesus
You're the wonderful, counselor, my friend
You're what I hold on to
I know that You brought me through
All the days of loss and to the cross, You knew
That I'd need a Savior
How many songs
Can I sing to proclaim
Your wondrous love
Oh and beauty so great
Oh and, What would I say
If You brought down the rain
And everyday I walked through the pain
My heart would still say
…......All the days of loss, and to the cross You knew,
That I'd Need a Savior
Well, I'd need a Savior....woah
You're what I hold onto,
I know that You brought me through
All the days of loss and to the cross You knew,
That I'd need a Savior
I'd need a Savior,
I need You Savior.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

I've been around...

Haven't disappeared, just been busy. A lot of things going on, but I have definitely found God's presence in my life. He's watched over me and my family, kept us safe, and healed hearts (hearts, literally!). I'll be able to write more about recent events at a later time, but for now, just know that I've been feeling God's presence in my life a lot lately! I'm so thankful for His healing capabilities, of body, mind and spirit. I've been constantly reminding myself of His presence, no matter where I'm at, and its so comforting to know that even when it feels like everything else around me is falling apart, He's still right there next to me, guiding me along the way. I've been putting all my trust in Him. I know that no matter what happens with a certain situation, He will provide what my family needs. He will take care of us. And with whatever happens, I will trust that its according to HIS will.

Jeremiah 29:11 says: "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

That's a pretty hefty promise right there, but I have every bit of faith to know that His word will be kept true.

Casting Crowns has a song out now, To Know You, which starts out perfectly: "To know you is to never worry for my life..." The song has a powerful message, and I hope that you are able to take in that message and apply it to your life.

I can't seem to get the video to act properly when posting this blog, so I will post the link to the video of Casting Crowns singing the song, To Know You, HERE.

Have a blessed day!